In Court

These are things people actually said in court, word
for word:

Q = Lawyer or Prosecutor
A = Defendant or Witness


Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.


Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the
impact?
A: Gucci sweater and Reebok trainers.


Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of
something that you've forgotten?


Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember
which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.


Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you
when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.


Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.


Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.


Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to
school for it.


Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were
your red and blue lights
flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out
of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?


Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies
in his sleep, he doesn't
know about it until the next morning?


Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is
he?


Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?


Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was
August 8th?
A:  Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?


Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?


Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?


Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?


Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?


Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to
a deposition notice that I
sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.


Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.


Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school
did you go to?
A: Oral.


Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the
body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I
was doing an autopsy.


Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?


And the best one till last ..........
Lawyer: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,
did you check for a pulse?
Autopsy Doctor:  No.
Lawyer: Did you check for blood pressure?
Autopsy Doctor:  No.
Lawyer: Did you check for breathing?
Autopsy Doctor:  No.
Lawyer : So, then it is possible that the patient
was alive when you began the
autopsy?
Autopsy Doctor: No.
Lawyer: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Autopsy Doctor:  Because his brain was sitting on my
desk in a jar.
Lawyer:  But could the patient have still been alive
nevertheless?
Autopsy Doctor : Yes, it is possible that he could
have been alive and
practising law somewhere.

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